Breakdown
by badass-trio-lovers
Summary: Things change. That's what Sodapop Curtis realizes when he comes home after a year in Vietnam. Will he be able to face the changes? What is Soda capable to do to keep things as they are? Disclaimer: I don't own the Outsiders!
1. Back home

**Hello there! It's Admin A. If you like the stories where Darry is the mean brother and Soda always safes the day then DON'T READ THIS, cause this ain't like those stories.**

**In this story Pony's 16 and he's a senior. I read somewhere that Susan E. Hilton said Pony was a sophomore (10th grade) in "The Outsiders" so he's 16. I guess he must have been 12 in 8th grade and then he got put up a year so he was in 9th grade when he turned 13 and that goes on and on... It's really confusing O_o**

**Please Read, rate and review...The 3 "Rs" make me sooo happy :).**

**First Outsiders fic so please don't be so hard on me...**

**Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN THE OUTSIDERS. If I did I wouldn't be writing here I would be writing more books ;).**

**Darry: 22**

**Soda: 19**

**Ponyboy: 16**

**Soda's POV:**

My nightmare started on the day that was supposed to be the happiest of my life. I wasn't getting married, I wasn't having a baby. I was coming back home. I had been in Vietnam for the last year. I had finished my one year tour of duty and I had seen horrible things. Death, pain, misery; things like that should have changed me but I didn't let those things take control of my mind. I kept thinking about the gang and my brothers and that I had to be the same when I got back. To the people who served with me I was like a personal comedian, there was only one time I wasn't happy at all. The day that I saw one of my best friends from my troop die in combat. One second we were standing next to each other and the next he was falling, blood coming out of his body. I shuddered as I got off the plane in Tulsa Airport.

I put my backpack on my shoulder and went to where my brother would be. When I stepped into the hall where all the international departures families were, I started looking for Darry and Pony. It didn't took me long to find my younger brother. Ponyboy was standing in the crowd searching for me with a concerned look on his face, a little smile started to form in my lips. Then I saw Darry standing right behind him one hand on Pony's shoulder, he looked a lot happier that I had ever seen him. Pony turned around and Darry looked down at him. I came closer and heard my little brother's voice:

"Darry, you sure this was his flight?"

"Yeah, little buddy. I'm sure we'll see him soon. He must be there with all the people that came out."

"But Darry...I can't see him! You sure nothin' bad happened to him? He did took the plane, didn't him?"

"Yeah, Pony, I'm sure. Just keep calm and wait. Ok?"

"Uh-huh"

I walked by their side while they were talking and an idea came to my mind so I just kept walking and got to where all the families now reunited where. I got closer to Darry's back as he put an arm around Pony's shoulders. That's when I put one hand on his back and another in Pony's.

"BOO" I said softly.

Darry gasped while Pony let out a small scream. My bigger brother turned around with an angry look and his face and then smiled when he saw me. But Pony was faster than him and got me on a big hug in the second he saw me.

"SODA!" he yelled at my ear.

"Whoa Pony! You just left me deaf." I laughed

Pony laughed and held me tighter. "I missed you big bro" he whispered.

"I missed you too" I told him as I played with his hair.

Pony stepped aside and then Darry hugged me.

"Life isn't the same without you, Soda" he said with a grin. Then he motioned Pony to join the hug and we three stood in there as in the old times. After what seemed like only one second to me, Darry said we should get going to the house. So we got into the car and Pony asked to drive. I looked at him astonished first but then I realize he was 16, so he could actually drive with the supervision of an adult.

On our way to our house Pony and Darry told me about everything I had missed. Darry had quit his second job. Pony was now single. Two-bit was trying to steal less, but Darry said that every time he came to visit he had a thousand things in his pocket. Steve had got my ship in the DX. I told them some stories from the war, the less creepy ones and tried to make 'Nam look a lot less scary. Pony looked a little worried but Darry just looked at me and grinned when I flashed him a smile.

When we got to the house the bad news started. I went to my and Pony's room to left my things in there everything looked just as when I left. At first I thought Pony had cleaned the room for me but then I realized Pony's things weren't in the room and the bed looked as if no one had slept on it for months. I got out of the room and saw Pony lying in the couch reading a book.

"Um...Pone..." I called him.

He sat down and looked at me. "Yeah Soda?"

"Pony, why aren't your things in the room"

Pony looked at me with a sad smile. "We forgot to tell you that..." he sighed. "Darry is now sleeping in Mom and Dad's room and I moved to his room."

I just looked at him and said nothing. "Soda...I-I'm so sorry. I thought you'd like to have the room for yourself." he continued and when I didn't answer he added "I can move back if you want."

He looked a little uncomfortable and I thought on how hard it must had been for Pony to get used to sleep alone. And I suddenly realize he had probably just gotten used to the idea of having a room for himself. Maybe he liked the space. Maybe he realized it was a lot easier for him to read and draw when he was alone.

I looked at him and sat down next to my baby bro. "It's ok, Pone. I just wasn't expecting this change." I pushed him softly with my shoulder and he laughed, with a relieve laugh. I smiled but it the inside I was a little sad. My little brother was growing up and he didn't need me anymore. I _was happy Pony was becoming more independent but at the same time I was a little sad and_ angry...I didn't want him to grow up. I want him to need me like he did before. I want something to happen so that he needs me again...

I froze at that thought. _¡DON'T! _I thought_ Don't even think about it, , no, NO._

"Soda, you ok?" Pony said.

"Yeah, I just got lost in my thoughts" I answered. _Boy, that's weird. I sound like Pony._

Pony put his head on my shoulder. "I really missed you, Soda." he mumbled.

I just smiled. I knew Pony was growing up but as long as he was by my side everything would be fine. Along with Darry our family was reunited again and we will never be separated. I may not share my room with Pony but our family and our gang was complete again as it had been a year before. And as I heard Pony breathing and Darry whistling I thought _Now everything's gonna be ok_.

If only I had known what was about to happen...

**So I wrote this while waiting till it was 12pm 'cause today's my b-day! (Yeii for me) So I probably have made some mistakes in the writing...Anyway, should I continue this or not? ****Review and tell me!**


	2. Now what?

**WOW! I never thought my story would have five reviews in the first chapter...I mean I didn't think I would get any reviews till the third chapter or so... So: THANKS EVERYBODY! ...Oh! To "OutsidersFanatic" thanks for the advice but I'm used to write the dialogs with hyphens. Please don't think I'm being rude or ungrateful is just that I feel more comfortable writing like I do.**

**Anyway, here's the second chapter!**

**Darry's POV:**

After having spent a year without Sodapop to have him around the house again was weird yet awesome. Pony and I went to welcome him at the airport and told Steve and Two-Bit not to bother us tonight. I think they understood we wanted to be alone, just us, the Curtis brothers. However that didn't stop Two-Bit to spend all day in our house watching TV until we told him it was his time to go home. Anyway when we got to the airport we waited until we saw Soda. Pony was a little nervous that he wouldn't recognize him and started to worry when, after a few minutes, Soda was nowhere to be seen. My baby brother had made me swear I'd never tell this but he had cried every single night to his sleep the first month after Soda was drafted. So when Soda found us Pony jumped to hug him. I'd never seen Pone that happy before and I have to admit I'd never felt that happy myself either. Soda seemed to be exactly the same though he told some stories on our way home that made me realize he had been through a lot more that what he was telling us. Though I was a little worried about what had really happened in the war I was glad to see Sodapop was still the same happy-go-lucky guy he had always been.

When we got to the house Sod went to leave his things in his room, Pony sat down in the couch and I went to the kitchen to cook dinner. While I was slicing the carrots to add them to the stew I was cooking I heard Soda asking Pony why his things weren't in the room they used to share.I suddenly froze I had completely forgot to tell Soda Pony was now sleeping in what used to be my room and I was sleeping in our parents room. I hoped he will understand some things had changed like the fact Pony and I had sold some of mom and dad's stuff and saved only the really important things or the things we could use. _Maybe I should go help Pony explain Soda_ I thought but as I was moving towards the door I heard Soda saying: "It's okay..." and I knew he would let it go. I couldn't tell if he was just saying that so Pony would be sad or if he really thought it was ok that Pony had his own room. Maybe he had come to realize Pony was going to college at the end of this school year and he would have to get use to sleep alone sooner or later, like I did. I continued cooking while I heard my brothers talking and then the talking stopped and all I heard was the TV.

"Hey Dar, what're ya cooking?" Soda asked going into the kitchen as I was turning off the kitchen having finished the stew. "It smells really good."

Pony laughed entering the room too. "Food must be really nasty in 'Nam if you think Darry's cooking smells "good"."

"Watch it, Pone." I told him, pointing at him with a spoon.

Soda laughed and started setting the table.

"Or what?" said Pony smiling at me.

I looked at him and started walking around him to stop just behind him. Then I grabbed him by the waist and started tickling him.

"Say my cooking is awesome, Pone." I told him.

"Never." said Pony laughing. He gasped for air and started laughing again. That's when I saw Soda sitting at the table smiling at us. I whispered Pony something at the ear and then we jumped to attack Soda. We had a little tickling war for what seemed like hours until Soda cried "uncle" and we let him go.

"You guys are crazy." he told us, panting.

"What were ya expecting! We're your brothers after all" answered Pony laughing.

**Soda's POV:**

After Darry, Pone and I had a little tickling war, we ate dinner. Darry's stew was delicious and we couldn't stop laughing while eating just like in the old days. When I finished eating I realized how tired I was. I mean I didn't slept in the plain because I was really anxious about seeing my brothers and after everything I had done today I just wanted to go lay in bed and close my eyes. I also realized I hadn't seen Steve or Two-Bit around the house._ Probably Darry told 'em not to come_ I thought. Pony was talking about some school-work he had because of the spring break.

"Spring break?" I asked. _Spring? Oh my, how much have I missed!_

"Ugh, yeah! I have to do a ten pages research...TEN PAGES! Our teacher said it would help us to get used to all the researches we are going to do in college." Pony rolled his eyes and smiled. All I could think was _College? What? No, no, no, no..._

"I guess it isn't for your English class otherwise you would be happy" Darry said.

"Gov." answered Pony shuddering.

Though I could hear my brothers I didn't pay attention to what they were saying. I mean I had just realized my baby brother was going to college._ When is he leaving? Where is he going? Does Darry need help with the bills? Of course he does! I have to find a job, I can't keep working at the DX the pay isn't too much._ All those thoughts started to worry me. How much time did I have with Pony until he got to college? Which college was he going to go? Where was it? Was it too far away from home? What if he got sick and we weren't there for him? _Well_ I thought_ it isn't like you won't be able to drive and visit him._ I yawned while thinking that.

"Hey little buddy, I think is time for you to go to bed uh?" Darry laughed.

I looked at him and chuckled. "Yeah I'm a little tired." I stood up and went to were Pony was. "Night, Pone." I said kissing him in the forehead. "Night, Dar." I told him as I hugged him. Then slowly I walked out of the kitchen. I could still hear Pony and Darry talking as I walked into the bathroom and took a shower.

When I got out I went to my room to put some clothes on. I was just about to get into my bed when I thought I could go to the kitchen one last time tonight and scare my brothers a little bit cause they wouldn't be waiting for me. So I headed there and I stood at the door hearing my brothers talk.

"Pony you said you would tell him." Darry sounded a little angry.

"I know, Dar. It's just I couldn't find the right moment. Ok? I-I'll tell him tomorrow. I promise."

The door was open on the corner enough for me to see what was happening inside. Darry, who was doing the dishes, turned around to see Pony, who was sitting at the table. He walked towards him and put a hand on his shoulder.

"Do you want me to tell him for you?" Darry asked with a sad smile.

Pony shook his head. "I have to tell him, Dar. It's just..." he was quiet for a minute. "Darry, you think he's gonna be mad at me?"

"What..?" Darry turned to look at him "No, Pone."

"I don't know how to tell him, Dar. He ain'tgonna like it." Pony hid his face in his hands and Darry sat next to him.

"Pony. Soda'll understand. C'mon little buddy, cheer up!" said Darry punching Pony playfully in the arm.

Pony looked at him. "Would you tell him with me?" Darry looked at him smiling and said nothing. "Please, Dar. I can't do this alone."

"I will, Pone. Don't worry about it."

"But...if he doesn't understand, Darry? What if he doesn't want me to..."

Darry cut him. "Stop it, Pone. It's gonna be ok. It really is." He stood up and walked towards the fridge. "So...How's that Gov paper going huh?"

Pony started talking about his homework but I could tell he wasn't really thinking about it just as I could tell Darry had just changed the subject so Pony wouldn't worry about whatever they were talking about.

I started walking towards my room. Right now the last thing I wanted was to talk to my brothers. I wondered what they were talking about but at the same time I didn't want to know. Pony had said I wouldn't like it and I had the feeling he was right. As I got into bed I thought _What could be so horrible that Pony doesn't want to tell me? Is he sick? Did something bad happen while I was at 'Nam? _Whatever it was what my brothers were gonna tell me it scared me. The way they had talk about the subject like it was something that would change our lifes scared the hell out of me. I didn't want anything to change. _It can't be that bad _I thought to myself.

If I had only known what I they were going to tell me...

**So I hope you liked this chapter! I'll update the next as soon as I can. Please forgive me if I made any mistakes in the writing. And again THANKS FOR THE REVIEWS! Please keep telling me what you think!**


	3. What's going on?

**Hello again! :) I'm so sorry for not updating in like forever! Hope you like it. Thanks for the reviews! I'll try to update as soon as I can.**

**Soda's POV:**

When I woke up the next morning it was still dark outside. I groaned and sat on my bed. I wasn't able to sleep last night thinking about Darry and Pony's conversation. And when I finally had fallen asleep I heard this loud noise that woke me up. I got up and went to the living room. I was about to turn on the TV when I saw Darry came out from his room.

"Hey, little buddy." he whispered, waving at me. He walked toward s the kitchen and I followed him. "Why are you up so early?"

"Uh. I couldn't sleep. I guess I got used to wake up early… you know, you don't get the chance to sleep in so much in Nam." I could see Darry had stiffened at the mention of the War though I couldn't really see why.

Darry opened the fridge and took out the last slice of chocolate cake. "Want some?" he asked while he sat on the table and started to eat the cake.

"Nah, I ain't hungry." I told him. "Hey, why are you up?" I asked.

"Work. I gotta go early because of my promotion. I told you, didn't I?" he asked when I looked at him weirdly.

"No. You only told me you had quitted your second job."

"Oh, well. I quitted it because I got promoted. My pay is now twice what it used to be. That promotion was a big relieve. We don't have to worry about money cause I receive enough to pay all the bills and there's always some money to save."

"Uh. That's great, Dar." I told him. _So the BIG secret isn't about the money uh? Oh boy I kinda hoped it was about money. That way I could just get a job and everything would be fine._ I thought.

"I know right." continued Darry. "I mean not only because of the money but because I get to spend more time with Ponyboy. I didn't like the idea of him alone in the house. Cause, you know, Steve's working, Two-bit was somewhere with some chicks and you, well, you were gone. And I came home really late, so Pony had to be in here alone and cook and do the dishes and the laundry and all that by himself. It made me feel so guilty. But with only one job I can spend more time with him and now with you. This is a good thing given that he's...Uh, well…" Darry sighed "I have to get going." he said, getting up. _He's what?_

"Darry..." I started.

"Hum, look Soda...I really gotta go now. But...uh...we'll talk later, ok? With Pony." he said and headed towards the door. "Soda..." he called opening the door.

"Uh?"

"Please don't wake Pony up. I-it has been a couple of awful months for him in school and he deserves to rest." said Darry and I could feel worry and proud in his voice.

"I won't, Dar. Don't worry." I answered. Darry waved goodbye and leaved.

I looked at the clock. It was 6am. I sighed; I knew Pony wouldn't wake up until nine at least. So I went to my room...MY room. It still sounded weird. I guess I would never get used to have a room for myself. Anyway I laid on my bed and stared at the ceiling, thinking. I had started doing this in the war. I just laid down and stared at something while thinking. I was never the kind of guy that can just stay still and think but I had learned how to do it. And now I could understand why Pony kept quiet and thinking that year, the year that changed his life. When you have some much things going on in your life you just can't avoid thinking _What if..._ I shook my head and got up. I had promised myself I would stop doing that. I am not the kind of guy who thinks a lot about something. I just do what seems to be the best thing to me.

I walked out of my room and turned on the TV. At least by watching it I wasn't going to start thinking.

**Ponyboy's POV:**

When I woke up I could hear laughs coming from the living room. I rubbed the sleep out of my eyes and slowly sat on my bed. I looked at the clock it was 10 am. _School _I thought _I'm late. I mean REALLY LATE. I'm dead, I'm sooo dead._ I got up and started to dress up when I remembered _Spring Break!_ That's when I also remembered Darry was at work, which meaned he couldn't be the one laughing in the living room. _Soda..._I thought_ Don't be stupid, Pony. He's in Vietnam. He's still fighting. Remember? Fighting for his life. _I had dreamed Soda was back in Tulsa but that couldn't be true, could it? I went out of my room as quickly as I could and started laughing when I saw Soda sitting in the couch watching a sit-com. He turned around to see me when he heard me laugh.

"Why you laughing?"

"Nothing." I said still laughing. " It's good to see you here."

"I ain't going nowhere." he said with a smile.

That just made me laugh louder. "Anywhere, Soda, anywhere." I said shaking my head.

He looked at me really confused not getting the joke. I sighed at sat next to him.

"You hungry?" he asked looking at me.

"Yeah!" he started to get up and went to the kitchen as I followed him. "There's some chocolate cake in the fridge." I told him.

He shook his head. "Nope. Darry ate it all this morning." he told me.

"Oh" _Darry...Oh no! Darry. Did he tell Soda about...? _I could feel myself getting really pale.

"You ok, Pone?"

"Hum, yeah." I looked at him. "You, uh, you talked to Darry?" I asked and Soda looked at me funny.

"Well, he had no time to talk so we just waved and he told me we had to talk when he came back. The three of us." Soda said in a curious tone. _Ugh! Darry would make me tell him. I couldn't. He was going to be so mad at me!_

"Oh" I couldn't say anything else. Soda made breakfast and we ate in silence. After that I started doing the dishes without talking. That's when I hear the whistle. _Steve or Two-Bit?_ I thought and then I heard another whistle. _Both._ I looked toward the door and Soda looked at the door too cooking an eyebrow.

Steve and Two-Bit walked into the house by the kitchen door and jumped to were Soda was. I just laughed and finished doing the dishes. Then I sat down on the other side of the table and waited until they finished talking. After what seemed like an hour Two-bit realized I was there and said the worst thing ever.

"So you took the news good, uh Soda?" he asked and then looked at me. "Told ya he wasn't gonna be mad at you!" _TWO-BIT! SHUT UP_ I wanted to yell at him but I couldn't. _What was I going to tell Soda? Darry wasn't here. He had promised me he would help me telling Soda!_ Steve must had noticed what I was going through because he looked at Two-Bit then at Soda and finally at me.

"What news?" asked Soda.

I felt like I was going to faint and Steve must have noticed because he answered for me.

"Pony" he said. "He got his driver license!" he looked at Two- bit while saying that. "That news, right Two- Bit?"

Two- Bit looked at Steve for a moment. "Uh, yeah." he answered slowly and added in a curious tone. "So did you know?"

Soda stared at Steve for a few seconds and for a while I thought he knew Steve was lying but he seemed to believe his best buddy because he just laughed."Yeah, Two-Bit. I knew."

"Hey guys, you feel like going to the movies?" said Steve. "Ya know like in the old good times."

"Sure" answered Soda. "Pony and I'll go. I'll just go take a shower. Be right back!"

While Soda was in the bathroom, Steve closed the kitchen door and sat on the table.

"Sit down." he told me. He sounded just like Darry when he was mad and that scared me. Two-Bit sat next to him.

"Why do you want me to sit down?" he asked.

"Not you, idiot! The kid." I sat down in front of him.

"You didn't have to be so rude." mumbled Two-bit sounding hurt.

Steve pretended not to hear him and motioned him to sit down. Then he looked at me. I just kept silent and tried to avoid his eyes, I knew what he was going to say and I didn't like it.

"Why didn't you tell him?" he asked. Two-Bit looked at me wide eyed.

I just couldn't answer that. I couldn't tell Steve how scared I was about how Soda would react. Steve stared at me for a few seconds and then stood up. He walked to the other side of the table and grabbed my shoulders.

"WHY DIDN'T YOU?" he yelled.

"Easy." said Two-Bit putting a hand in his arm. Steve looked at him and then back at me.

"Why?" he whispered letting me go and going back to his seat. I just hid my head in my hands and sighed. There was a moment of silence.

"Pony..." Two-Bit patted my back. "You ok?"

"I'm sorry." I said. My head still in my hands. "I-I just can't tell him." I lifted my head and saw Two-Bit looking worriedly at me and Steve looking at me sad.

"I'm sorry, kid." said Steve. "I should've listened to you. I mean…I understand you. Soda ain't gonna like it so you have all right to be scared"

_So, that's why they looked at me like that. _I thought_ Why am I that obvious...Everyone can tell I'm scared of telling Soda. Still they want me to tell him._

"Kido are you listening?" Steve voice got me out of my thoughts.

"Uh. Sorry." I said

"I was telling you that you HAVE to tell him. Listen, if Soda finds out before you tell him...He'll never forgive you, kid! And I mean NEVER." said Steve.

"I know, Steve. I know. Darry already told me that. But...I just can't do it alone. That's why Darry's gonna help me tell him tonight." I explained.

They just looked at me and said nothing and I silently thanked them for not insisting me about the topic. Steve and Two-Bit started talking about which movie too watch. I didn't participate in their conversation. I was thinking about what would happen when Darry came home.

When Soda finished his bath and got dress, we went to the movies. We watched an action movie and then went to eat something. Two-Bit met some girls and went with them to do only-God-knows-what. It was almost 9pm when we headed back home. Darry's trunk was parked in front of the house. I froze and stood behind Soda and Steve. Steve turned around to see me. He motioned Soda to look at me.

"Pony, you ok?" Soda asked me.

"Uh-huh"

Total Silence.

"Well guys! I should be going to my house now. See ya tomorrow!" said Steve. He grinned at Soda and then flashed me a sad look (which didn't exactly make me feel better.).

**Soda's POV:**

Darry's truck was outside the house when we got there. We entered and saw Darry sitting on the couch reading the paper.

"Hey, guys." he said standing up. I could feel Pony shivering next to me.

Darry motioned us to sit down and I did so but Pony just stood there. He looked at Darry and paled.

"Pony, sit down. I'll get it." Darry said. Whatever 'it' was it just made Ponyboy more nervous than he already was.

Darry went to Pony's bedroom and when he came back he had a letter in his hand. He opened it and looked at me.

"Soda...we need to tell you something..."he said.

I looked at Darry, then at Pony and then at the letter Darry was holding.

That letter would change my relationship with my brothers forever. If I had only known the answer to my questions was in the house, I would have read it and ran away so I would never had to face what my brothers were about to tell me...

**I'll try to update sooner. I promise. Sorry if this chapter's is a little stupid is just a preparation for the REAL story. Next chapter coming soon...wuu... (I'm more excited than anyone reading this.)**


	4. The Truth is told

**Hey everyone! It's me again! Ok, before I start I have some things to say:**

**First: I'm really sorry I haven't upload in a while , I think like I'm disappointing you guys :( It's just with school and all that I don't have any spare time. Ugh... I just hate homework! I mean I have to do a stupid history report and I have to do a lot of research and all that...Anyway, sadly I won't be updating soon because of all I have to do. But I won't give up! I'll update at least a chapter for month even I have to kill my history teacher to do it ;)**

**Second: I love to read your reviews! Seriously, it makes my day! I mean I read my mail in my phone so I'm always reading them. Once I started reading them in English class and I was just so proud of my story that I started showing them to all my friends and I hadn't realized my teacher was right behind me :S (Luckily he didn't noticed my phone)**

**Third: About the reviews... I'M NOT SENDING PONY TO WAR! That would be awfully mean. I thought about sending him to war when I was creating this story, but I realized I just wouldn't be able to write that. And IF I did, I would probably end up killing Pony (which is something I DO NOT want to do...just make him suffer a little bit). I mean Pony is just too sweet for going to war, 'Nam would totally ruin him. Sorry if I disappointed any of you :S...Oh and also SANDY? Okay, I am in fact working in another fic (which includes her) but I just can't see Sandy with Pony...I read some reviews and I was like: "Sandy? Really?" Though someone actually guessed where the story was going... So congratulations to you. You'll find out who you are while reading this! :) ...And about the cliffhangers, I hate when a story has them but I found out I love writing them. Well, I can tell you from now on there are no more cliffhangers in the story 'cause now it's time for this story to truly BEGIN!**

**And last but not least... THANKS FOR ALL THE REVIEWS, FAVOURITE STORY AND FAVOURITE AUTHOR. It makes me really happy to know someone besides me enjoys this story. Please keep reviewing!**

**P.S. From now on I'll be adding some flashbacks to the story. Why? 'CAUSE I LOVE FLAHSBACKS!**

**(Wow, that sure was long!)**

**Darry's POV:**

When I saw Pony and Soda go inside the house, I felt suddenly scared. I had promised Pony I would help him telling Soda about 'it', but the truth was I had no idea of how to do it I had never been good with words and now I had to figure out how to tell Soda that our youngest brother was going to... I couldn't even think about it. It's not like I was mad at Pony or anything but I really care about him and the idea of something happening to him... _Hell, how much I wish Mom and Dad were here!_ I thought.

I greeted my brothers and told them to sit down. Soda obeyed but Pony just stood there, looking at me, pleading me not to do this. But I had to. As I got into Pony's room to get the letter that had started all this, I thought that maybe I was doing things too fast. _Maybe I should talk to Soda first, in private, and explain him everything before I show him that damn letter. _It was too late for that.

I grabbed the letter from Pony's desk and went back to the living-room. I looked at Soda and then opened the letter.

"Soda...we need to talk to you." I said looking at Pony. Soda looked scared and I suddenly realized what he was thinking about.

_(Flashback)_

"_Soda, you got mail!" I yelled from the kitchen. He walked to the kitchen and looked at me cooking an eyebrow._

"_For me?" he asked. I just nodded and handled him the letter. He looked at it and then opened it just as Pony entered the room. Soda started reading the letter and the suddenly dropped it._

"_What's wrong little buddy?" I asked him. He just looked at me. Pony stared at him worriedly; he then saw the letter and grabbed it._

"_Dear mister Sodapop P. Curtis..." Pony started reading the letter but after those four words he started to read in his mind. "NO!" he yelled a few seconds after with tears in his eyes. "N-no, S-Soda, n-not you." he said starting to cry. Soda just looked at him and then at me. I had grabbed the letter and was reading it...Soda had to go to 'Nam._

_(End Flashback)_

I looked at my brothers. I noticed Pony wasn't going to start the conversation so I would have to. I was thinking of how to start when Soda talked.

"Darry..." he said slowly. "W-what's that?" I didn't know what to tell him so I just kept quiet. _What now?_

Pony looked at me and then at the letter. He was really pale and shaking like a leaf, still he took a deep breath and answered Soda's question "It's for me, Soda." he said very low standing up and taking the letter out of my hands. "Thanks, Dar. But I can take it from here." he said in a calm voice. I just looked at him and smiled. _Pony has grown up _I thought and then it hit me: _He doesn't need me anymore._

**Ponyboy's POV:**

As soon as Darry got the letter from my bedroom I realized HE wasn't the one who had to tell Soda I was. I just can't keep quiet and wait for Darry to solve all my problems. _I can handle this_ I told myself. I wasn't sure how to tell Soda about it. So I decided to tell him things straight.

"Soda..." I started.

"Pony, what's that letter about?" he said.

I wasn't ready for that question. I froze then closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I had never been this nervous before. "It's nothing bad Soda. I promise." I was shaking so badly and I felt like I was gonna break sooner or later. If not for relieve then for sadness, but I was sure gonna break. Darry put a hand on my shoulder and squeezed it gently. We both knew this wasn't gonna be easy.

"If it's nothing bad then what is it about?" Soda said. I could tell he was dying to know what was going on. Maybe he had already sense something was going on or maybe he had already read the letter. I didn't know, but what Steve had told me kept repeating itself inside my head: _If Soda finds out before you tell him...He'll never forgive you. _I shivered.

"Soda...y-you know I'm a senior right?" I asked him.

"Of course I do, Pone." he said, smiling at me.

"Well, as you know I gonna be ending school soon and...I-I've been thinking about college and all that." I stopped. Soda looked at me motioning me to keep going. I sighed and took a deep breath this was a lot harder than I thought it would be.

"Pone, what is it?" Soda said in a soft tone.

" I-I..." How could I possibly tell Soda about this?

_(Flashback)_

_English class. I looked at the clock in the wall: five minutes left. "C'mon" I pleaded. I'd never been this nervous to talk to a teacher until now. But college ain't something not to be nervous about. The bell ringed and I waited till all my classmates were out before I walked over the teachers' desk._

"_Ponyboy." said my teacher nodding politely. "What can I do for you?"_

_I took a deep breath. I hated asking anyone for help, but Soda was in the war and I had seen my brothers expression when the bills came home. He wasn't gonna be able to pay for my college. I had already told Darry I wanted to help with the bills and I didn't care about not going to college, but he wouldn't hear about it. So we came up with a solution. I had actually thought about it when Soda received the letter, even before when our parents died. But that I had given it a thought didn't mean I liked the idea. It sounded like asking for charity and I hated charity!_

_My teacher looked at me. She was a young lady, in her early thirties and her classes were always fun. She talked about the books we read like she was just one more character. I really liked her and that only made it harder to ask her about it..._

"_Ponyboy, you still here?" my teacher asked me, looking worriedly at me. I just avoided her eyes._

"_Huh. Sorry...I was just wondering if..." I took a deep breath and looked at her in the eyes. "I was just wondering if you could tell me about scholarships. I mean...my brother and I are having some financial problems and I- I really want to do an English Program..."_

"_In Tulsa?" she laughed. "I can help you to get a scholarship, Ponyboy. But you're my best student and I will never let you stay here in Tulsa, you can be a great writer if you go to the right places and talk to the right people." she said._

"_I really don't want to leave Tulsa. I mean my brothers need me, ma'am." I told her._

"_Just trust me." she told me._

_A few months later, Darry got promoted, but I had already solved my college education problem._

_(End Flashback)_

"Pone, ya still with us?" Soda asked me with a smile. I just closed my eyes and nodded while mentally kicking myself for getting lost in thought, again.

"Yeah." I said slowly, my brother laughed. I looked at Darry and he motioned me to keep going. "Well, Soda I applied to some scholarships...Ya know, college ain't cheap." I said.

"And...You must have at least got one with that brain of yours!" he laughed but I could tell he was nervous. Soda was never nervous at least he was really worried about something.

"Well, actually I did. But...huh...not in Oklahoma." I said, waiting for his reaction.

He was quiet for a minute. "By not in Oklahoma, you mean near right? Like in Texas or Arkansas, right?" I just closed my eyes. I knew he wasn't gonna like it. I wanted to cry so desperately and the worst part was yet to come.

"Well, I received two scholarships to study English. One is from Middlebury College...in Vermont…" I started.

"VERMONT!" Soda yelled. "NO WAY YOU ARE GOING TO VERMONT, PONYBOY. WE WOULDN'T BE ABLE TO GO VISIT YOU!..."

"Soda..." I tried to talk to him. _Glory, if he reacted like this to Vermont what will he do when I told him about..._

"NO, NO, NO YOU CAN'T GO THERE. IS TO FAR AWAY! C'MON PONY, YOU GOTTA THINK ABOUT US. WE ARE A FAMILY; YOU CAN'T LEAVE US LIKE THIS. YOU'RE AN UNDERAGE!" He kept yelling.

"Soda..." I tried again.

"I mean, YOU CAN'T, PONY. I..."

"SODA!" Darry yelled. "Pony ain't gonna take that scholarship." he said calmly. I looked at him and thanked him silently.

"Well, you should have started by THAT!" Soda said, sighing in relief. _Uh-oh _I thought _He's definitely not gonna like it._

**Please forgive me if I had made any gramtical mistakes...Sorry if I disappointed you by not sending Pony to war (Weird..) Review and tell me what you think!**


	5. How bad can it be?

**Hello there! It's me again! It seems like a lot of you were confused by the previous chapter but you'll find some explanations about it here!**

**Soda's POV:**

_Vermont? C'mon...I just got back and he's LEAVING?_ I thought as I heard my own voice screaming to my brother and his trying to attract my attention. Then I heard Darry shouting Pony wasn't going to Vermont and I felt like a hundred pounds had been lifted from my shoulders.

"Well, you should have started by that!" I said trying to smile to my brother, but deep inside I knew that if Pony had started with Vermont I wasn't gonna like the other option. A little voice inside my head told me how selfish I was being and how Pony was the smart one and deserved to go to a good college, even if by accepting that I wouldn't see him every day. But another voice, a stronger voice, told me I couldn't let my brother go away, it reminded me of how the world outside Tulsa was, reminded me of what I had seen in 'Nam and told me Ponyboy wasn't ready to go to that world; it told me that if I let my brother go to another country or state and something bad happened to him it would be my, and only MY, fault._ Will you PLEASE shut up? I'm trying to think over here? _I thought before I realized I was talking to myself. _Great! I'm going crazy..._

"Soda..." said Darry, interrupting my thought, not that I wasn't thankful for it.

"Uh?" I answered.

"Well, like Pony told you he received a scholarship to Middlebury School in...Uh...Vermont" he said, obviously uncomfortable. "But, well, he's not taking that scholarship, because he got another offer and..."

"Darry!" Pony spoke up, he looked a little scared. "I think is best if I say the news, right?" A smiled played in his lips but didn't reach his eyes. I knew what was coming, I promised myself I'd try to keep quiet for my little brother, after all he deserved to go to college. _Does he, really? He deserves to go to college, YOU deserve to let him go, after all you've been through? After everything you have done for him? You're just gonna let him leave you like this. Leave you and Darry here, worrying about how he is and if something bad has happened to him? You're REALLY gonna be okay with that, you'll let him go away just like that, won't you? Don't you think it's time to put yourself first and not Ponyboy?_ That hideous voice inside my head said, confusing me, making me think maybe it was right. Maybe it was MY time to be first. Maybe I wasn't being the selfish one, maybe Pony was. I mean HE is the one leaving us, because he wants to learn English. If he's so smart what difference does it make to what college he goes? He can be whatever he wants as long he's in the US. In the US? Yeah, why not? We can visit him in any other state. _You over reacted, Soda. _I remembered my mother's voice telling me that, when I was barely a nine year old...

_(Flashback)_

_It was raining on a Saturday morning. I wanted so badly to go out and play with Darry and Pony but mom had told me I had to finish my homework first. She wasn't happy about my grades 'cause I had been failing almost all my test. Of course it didn't help that Darry was the first student in his class and Pony got mostly A's. I looked outside the window. Darry was standing in the yard looking at Pony with a funny look in his eyes. The rain had made a big mud puddle and my little brother had seen it and was jumping in it, he was yelling at Darry to join him but our bigger brother refused. Pony ran to where Darry was to force him play with him but he fell in the way, Darry went to where our baby brother was to help him and, as he leaned over to give a hand to Pony, our little brother made him fell next to him. Pony stood up quickly and started running away from Darry, who was now standing up, covered in mud, with a playful smile in his lips. He grabbed Pony by the waist and lifted him from the ground, making Pony scream with joy. He then put him back in the ground and Pony started running again._

_I looked back at my homework. I was lying on the floor, my English notebook in front of me. Boy, I hate school. Ten minutes later I was finally finishing my homework._

"_Just a few more words and I'll be over." I muttered to myself._

_I heard the door open and Pony went inside screaming._

"_Sooodaa...Tell Darry to leave me alone." he said running to where I was, he was dripping water and mud and as he rushed to where I was, he dripped some drops of mud in my homework._

_I froze looking at my homework. I had been working on that all day and now it was ruined. "PONY!" I yelled. "YOU RUINED MY HOMEWORK!" I stood up and looked at my brother in the eyes. "I had been worked in that ALL day. And now YOU'VE RUINED IT!" I pointed a finger on the drops of mud in my homework. "I HATE YOU! YOU-YOU- YOU STUPID KID! YOU THINK THIS IS A GAME! I'VE BEEN BREAKING MY BACK ALL DAY LONG DOING THAT STUPID HOMEWORK AND YOU COME AND RUINED IT ALL IN LESS THAN A MINUTE!" I stopped trying to catch my breath. I saw Darry standing in the door, looking at me wide eyed. Our mom had come out of the kitchen and was looking at me with a sad look in her eyes. She walked towards us and called Pony softly. He ran to where she was and started crying in her lap. Mom talked to Pony in a soft, calm voice and took him to the bathroom to clean up, not even looking at me._

"_That was real nice, Soda." said Darry looking at me with disapproval in his eyes. He then walked towards the bathroom, leaving me alone in the living-room. I looked at my notebook: it was ruined. I left it there and went to my room._

_A few hours later I was lying in my back looking at the ceiling when I heard a knock in my door and my mom opened it. She stood in the doorway, holding a notebook._

"_Can I come in?" She asked gently._

_I sat down and nodded. I was afraid she would yell at me like I had yelled at Pony. I knew I deserved it but I hated the idea of my mom being angry at me. Yet she didn't looked mad just sad. She walked towards my bed and sat down. She handed me the notebook she had in her hands. It was my English notebook._

"_The page that was 'ruined' is gone." She said looking at me. "And Darry copied your homework to the next page once the water dried. He also corrected it, by the way."_

_I kept silence. My homework was done. Not only that, it was corrected, so I was going to get a good grade. I sighed._

"_Thanks... I'm sorry, mom." I said quietly._

"_Oh, you don't need to apologize with me, neither thank me. It was Pony's idea. And I think he's the one you own an apology to." She made a small pause."You over reacted, Soda. I know you're mad and all that but you had no right to yell at Pony like that. You scared him a lot. Soda... I know Pony may mess up sometimes, but he's your little brother. You have to have patience with him. He just doesn't know where the game stops, you understand me, right?"_

"_Yes, mom. It's just...I was working all day on that and..."_

"_I know, Pepsi." She said giving me a hug. "It's on the past now. But just keep in mind; you have a duty as a big brother, ok?" I nodded._

"_Is he mad at me?" I asked, feeling suddenly guilty. I realized just then that I had made my baby brother cry. I hadn't really meant to make him feel bad, it just happened. I just couldn't control myself and my brother had taken all my fury._

"_Not at all." Mom answered. "But he does think you hate him." She looked at me and then stood up. "He's in his room if you want to talk with him. Darry's reading him a story." She added and, with that, she walked out of the room._

_I walked to Pony's room and opened the door. Darry was reading him a storybook but as soon as I opened the door he turned to look at me. Pony paled a little bit and tried to hide under the sheets. I looked at Darry and he understood what I wanted to do. He said goodnight to Pony and kissed his forehead. I sat down on Pony's bed. He looked at me, scared, afraid I would blow up again._

"_I'm sorry, baby." I said not knowing what else to do._

"_D-Do you really hate me?" asked my brother. I looked at him and saw tears in his eyes._

"_I don't Pony, I really don't. You're my little brother, I could never hate you. I was angry and only said those stuff because I wanted you to feel bad for...Well...ya know." I said flashing him a smile. He smiled back at me and suddenly tears started rolling down his cheeks._

"_I'm so sorry I ruined your homework, Soda." he said crying. "I-I j-just thought ya may wanna play w-whit us." He had controlled his tear but was still sobbing. I pulled my brother into a hug and let him sob into my chest._

"_It's ok, Pony. I'm the one to blame, baby. Don't cry, ok?" He stopped crying although some sobs occasionally rocked his body._

_After a few minutes Pony calmed down and I let him go. He yawned. "Soda, would you read me a story?" He asked with a smile._

"_Of course, baby." I told him and took the book, Darry had left open._

_Since that night Pony and I hadn't got into any big fight with each other until now..._

_(End Flashback)_

As my little brother prepared himself to tell me his 'news', I realized it would all be fine as long as Pony stayed in the US. I mean how far can he go? We would be able to see each other at least once a month as long as he stayed in the country...

**So did you liked it? Review and tell me!**


	6. The letter

**Hey everybody! It's been quite a while since I've updated, but I had some HUGE problems with my computer and EVERYTHING I had in it got deleted. I mean I was planning on updating two chapters last month and obviously I couldn't. Also, I was in Argentina for two weeks so I didn't have any time to write but I could at least try to remember what I had written. Anyway, now I'm finally updating this. Reviews are real welcome and they'll help me write and update faster, so please REVIEW! :).**

**Ponyboy's POV:**

_C'mon Pony. Is now or never._ I told myself as I looked at my brothers. Darry was smiling at me, giving me a reassuring look, though the smile didn't reach his eyes. In them I could see he wasn't sure about what was going to happen, especially after how Soda had reacted earlier. I mean, we both understood that it was going to be hard for him, coming back from Vietnam and realizing how much things had changed, but why did he had to yell like that? He sure scared the hell outta me. I have never seen Soda so mad, he never yelled, at least not at me. I knew he was gonna be mad for a while when I told him where I was going. I knew it since I got the scholarship. But why had he reacted like that when I told him about Vermont? I mean those two scholarships where really important to me and I figured out that if he didn't like my choice I could always go to Vermont. But what was I going to do if he didn't like any of my options? I didn't want to go to community college and there wasn't enough time to apply to another scholarship. My future or my brother? I sighed. I knew deep down that I would never do anything to hurt Sodapop, even if I had to give up my dreams. I felt tears form in my eyes, but didn't let them fall. _NO-MORE-CRYING_ I reprimanded myself.

I had to tell my brother. I had to, but saying it was easier than doing it. I looked at Soda; he had sat on the couch and was looking at me like waiting me to say something. I took a deep breath and sat next to him.

"So…" I started.

"I'm sorry, Pone. I know I over reacted. I mean, if you go to Vermont, we could still visit you there. It's not that far away, right?" he said, smiling at me. I wanted to start bawling so badly, what was he going to think about the other college?

"Yeah" I said softly.

"So...Where are you going?" he said.

I took a deep breath and started to speak. "Alright, Soda…I guess there's no really any easy way to say this uh?" I laughed a little but his eyes though I was scared. Soda smiled at me, I sighed._ I CAN'T. I CAN'T. I CAN'T._

"You okay?" Soda asked. I opened my eyes, realizing I had closed them! I knew I was pale and I must've look like I was gonna throw up by the way Soda and Darry looked at me.

Why was this so hard? I mean, Soda understands everything, so why am I so afraid he'll be mad at me. It hit me then that I wasn't afraid of Soda's reaction, I was scared that he wouldn't be as pleased as the others were. I looked at Darry and remembered when I told him about my acceptance letter.

_(Flashback)_

"_Morning, Dar." I greeted grumpily. I sat down on the table and rubbed my eyes. I really hated having to get up early for school. Especially if I had had nightmares the day before, luckily I hadn't waked up Darry this time. I really didn't need him worrying about me not sleeping when he already had to worry about the bills and Sodapop being in war._

"_Good Mornin' Pony!" he answered, placing a plate of eggs and bacon in front of me. I just looked at the food, it seemed to be smiling at me. I hated it. It was as if it was mocking me, saying: 'Hey, Ponyboy. Why so grumpy?' or something like that. I grabbed my fork and started eating. Darry sat in front of me with his newspaper. After I finished eating I looked at the clock it was still early for school. I got up and put my dishes in the sink. I was about to open the fridge to get some chocolate milk when Darry spoke._

"_Hey, Pone. Get the mail while you're up, will ya?" I looked at him and he stared back at me. "And next time you go to the movies, make sure you don't have any homework. Those bags under your eyes are starting to make you look sick." his voice was full of disapproval but at least he wasn't yelling at me. Darry will always worry about my sleeping habits. I smiled at him, if he had only known that the bags weren't for being up doing homework._

"_Sure thing, Dar." I answered opening the door to get the mail. There were only five letters in the mailbox. I took them all and got back inside without even looking at them. The last thing I needed was to see how much money my brother owned to different companies. I put the mail in the table, right in front of Darry, and headed towards the fridge for my precious chocolate-milk._

"_Hey, Pone, there's something for you in here!" Darry said._

_I turned around. "Sodas?" I asked. Soda was the only one who would write to me. It was either him or I had forgotten to return a book to the library._

_Darry shook his head and smiled. "Why don't you come find out by yourself?" I sat on the table with my chocolate-milk glass. Darry handed me the mysterious letter. I looked at envelope and then at Darry. I sighed._

"_What is it?" Darry answered, seeing I wasn't opening the letter._

"_Well, it's just…so early for an answer. It can only mean…" 'It can only mean I wasn't accepted'. I thought but I couldn't bring myself to say it out loud. _

"_It can only mean two things. C'mon open it." he said._

"_You think..?" I started._

"_Why don't you open it so we can find out?" Darry interrupted me and I realized he was as nervous as I was. I opened the letter and started reading. I saw the day, name, direction and all that stuff. And then I started reading._

'_Dear Mr. Curtis,_

_Congratulations! You've been accepted on the course of…'_

_I felt my eyes go wide. I looked at Darry. "So?" he asked, nervously. I just nodded. Darry looked a little shocked, but then his shock turned into pride._

"_I knew you could make it! See! I told ya…" he kept talking, but I wasn't listening. I was reading the letter, every word. I won the scholarship. I just couldn't believe it. _

"_You know what?" Darry was saying."Why don't you skip school today? I'll call my boss and tell him I ain't going to work today so we can celebrate." I looked at Darry. Was he serious? That wasn't the Darry I knew, at all. Not that I didn't like this Darry, tho._

"_Are you serious, Dar?" I asked. Maybe he was just bluffing; either that or he hadn't realized what he was saying._

"_Heck, yeah!" Wow, that was definitely not Darry. He tried real hard not to curse in front of me all the time and here he was. I smiled at him and saw in his eyes how proud he was of me. And then I heard a laugh, I looked where the sound had come from and so did Darry._

_Two-Bit was standing in the door. "Well, well, well, did I just hear Superman curse" he asked in a funny voice. I couldn't help but to laugh._

_(End flashback)_

Yep, I was scared Soda wouldn't be proud of me like Darry had. I was scared he would look at me and I wouldn't see happiness in his eyes or pride or anything. I wanted Soda to be proud of everything I did. I wanted him to be as proud as everyone in the gang was (even Steve, though he denied it when Two-Bit joked about it). I wanted Sodapop to tell me how proud he was, like Darry had; and maybe make jokes about me going to college like Two-Bit had; I wanted to hear him say how much he'll miss me like Steve had (Well, he had say he would miss messing up with me and me tagging along all the time, but it was something!). I just wanted him to tell me that going away to study was a good decision, because I knew that if he didn't think so, I wouldn't be able to go. I just would never do anything Sodapop didn't liked.

I looked at my brothers and noticed Darry still had the letter in his hands.

"Dar?" I called his attention. He looked at me. "The letter?" he looked at his hands noticing he still had the letter and handed it to me.

**Soda's POV:**

I saw Darry giving Pony the freaking letter in silence. I was dying to know which mysterious college my baby brother was going to. I looked at Pony waiting for him to say something.

"Here" he said, giving me the letter. I took it. "I got it a couple of weeks ago. That's why I didn't tell you in a letter."

"What is this, Pone?" I asked. I meant to ask from which university was it. Pony looked at me confused.

"My acceptance letter." he said in a slow, low voice.

"I know that! I mean from whom?" I asked. He smiled a little bit.

"Is all in the letter." he told me and looked at me, waiting for me to read it. I opened the letter, and started reading with a smile in my face, but as I read the address and the name of the school my smile faded. _He can't do this. Not now._ I thought. It was too far away, if he went there I wouldn't be able to see my baby brother for the next three or four years. I looked at Ponyboy, he was scared. He had seen my smile fade but I didn't care. I didn't care if he was scares or sad. He just couldn't do this to Darry and me. Especially me. I had been there for him all the time and he planned on doing this to me. No way, I wasn't letting him do it.

"No" I said. Ponyboy looked confused, so did Darry.

"No what?" Darry asked.

"He ain't going to that stupid college." I said coldly. I heard Pony gasp and knew he was ready to cry. Well, I couldn't care less. He deserved it. I hadn't come home back from living hell to lose one of my brothers and I'd do whatever to make him stay where I could. Even if that meant hurting him and by that, myself.

**I feel this chapter is a little…ugh I dunno... I just don't like it, it's like I know I could have done a better job. The only thing I enjoyed writing was the flashback.(So what did you think about it? The flashback I mean) I promise the nextchapter will be a lot better. Anyway, Thanks for reading.**

**P.S. Any guesses about where this college is?**


	7. Not myself anymore

**Well, ONE of you guys guessed where Pony is going so CONGRATULATIONS! Seems like someone noticed the hints in the previous chapters! **

**Anyway I didn't feel like leaving you guys expecting for another chapter one more month and I was feeling kinda inspired so here it goes.**

* * *

><p><strong>Sodas POV:<strong>

"Soda…" Pony looked at me, pleading.

"No, Ponyboy!"

"Please, Soda..." he started.

"I…NO! You CAN'T go!" I said.

"But…Soda…p-please" Pony said. He was starting to bawl.

"Pony…Gosh…I…It's too far away…" I couldn't keep talking. I didn't want to accept the fact that he was going away.

"Soda! I really want to go to England! Is the best opportunity I'd ever get." he said.

He said it. He said it out loud. He's not going he can't go. _But he wants to._ NO. He just CAN'T go to England. It's too far away! What if something happens?

Silence. That's what followed Ponyboy's answer. Then after staring at Pony for a moment, I spoke.

"You're lying." I said, barely a whisper. He looked at me worriedly; his face pale, his inferior lip trembling.

"Soda… I ain't lying. It's a great opportunity…I really want to go, Soda…" he said walking towards me. "I ain't lying." he whispered looking at me to the eyes.

"Yes, you are Ponyboy, YOU ARE" I said, raising my voice. He backed up, looking slightly scared. I took a deep breath, trying to calm myself down. Maybe I could talk him out of it. "Listen; you ain't going to England, ok Pone?"

"Soda…" he started. "It really is a great opportunity. I mean, it has one of the best English programs in England. And the scholarship…"

"YOU JUST CAN'T GO." I yelled at him. _Gosh, why's he doing this to me?_ "WE'VE BEEN WORKING HARD ALL THIS YEARS TO BE KEPT TOGETHER AND NOW YOU WANNA GO AWAY. WHY DON'T YOU THINK ABOUT US FOR ONCE IN YOUR LIFE!" My voice broke. Darry looked shocked. He hadn't thought I would say that. I realized Darry had been waiting for a bad reaction from me, but hadn't expected me to tell Pony that.

"I do think about us!" Pony said. "WHY WON'T YOU LISTEN TO ME SODAPOP!" He yelled going red. "You always used to…" he whispered. "Why am I not listening to you? Because you are being selfish! That's why!" I looked at him. I needed to say more. He was angry at me now but I didn't want an angry Pony, I wanted a hurt Ponyboy, one that wouldn't go to England, one that would do what I say. For fear, either it was to me or to lose me. That's how things are handled at war. You do anything for fear. And it always works. And then I realized what I could do to hurt my brother. A voice inside me warned me it was the wrong decision, but the words where already leaving my mouth and I couldn't, I wouldn't, stop them. - You only think about yourself, about what'll make YOU look good, what'll keep YOU out of trouble. That's why you have no friends. Everyone knows better than to be around you. Hell, the gang wouldn´t be your friends if you weren't a Curtis. Your only friend was Johnny and, look, you got him killed! "I did it. I couldn't believe it. I knew what Pony's weak point was and I used it against him. _This is not right_. But it was too late to take it back. Now I had to go on."

"Soda!" shouted Darry "That's enough!"

Pony looked hurt. I knew I had touched the nerve talking 'bout Johnny. _What's wrong with me? I ain´t like that. _I wanted to apologize but something inside me told me that being angry at Ponyboy, could be the only way to make him stay in the US. _He could go to Vermont; or stay in Tulsa._ I looked at Darry. I didn't like what I was about to do. _Then why are you doing it?_ Ugh, stupid voice. I had to do it. I needed my baby brother to stay with me. To stay here. "You know what Dar. You're right. That's enough" I said in a cold voice. "Why should I care about this one?"

"Soda…" Pony said close to tears.

"You shut up! I ain't talking to you. And don't you dare call me 'Soda'; only my friends call me like that. You are NOT friend of mine. Hell, I ain't even sure you are my brother anymore!" I told him. I could hear hate in my voice. But I didn't hate Pony, did I? I just didn't want him to go. Then I realized where the hate was coming from. Even tho I didn't hate my brother, I hated what he was doing; I hated what I was doing.

I wanted to run and hug him and tell him I was lying and how much I loved him. On the other hand I knew I didn't want him to go to England. I was doing something good for him, right? Pony searched my eyes, sending me a pleading look.

I just couldn't look at him. I knew if I did I would take back all I had said and I couldn't do it. I needed Pony to notice I didn't want him to go. I needed him to stay. I took my coat and ran out of the house, I didn't know where I was going, I didn't care either. I had to get away from my brothers at least for a few hours.

**Ponyboys POV:**

This is not my brother! I have no idea of what they made him do in Vietnam, but this isn't the same Soda that leaved Tulsa. The old Soda wouldn't have yelled at me, he wouldn't have told me those awful things, right? _Maybe he'd always felt like that but never said anything…_ Ugh! Sometimes I really hate that little voice in my head. But… what if it was right? What if Soda had been keeping everything to himself all this time? Was I really being selfish? Did… did I killed Johnny? I had thought about that before, if I hadn't ran away, if I hadn't talked to Cherry, if I hadn't fall asleep in the lot and the list goes on and on. My brothers had told me not to worry about it, but maybe they were saying it because they couldn't stand the self-pity Ponyboy anymore. Maybe there was some truth in Soda's words but, though I did cared about what Soda had said, what hurt the most was to find out that Soda, my beloved brother Sodapop, hated me.

**Darrys POV:**

I couldn't believe it. I just stood there, staring at the door. Sodapop had reacted worse than I expected. I was shocked. Soda had never talked to anyone like that, much less Pony. I couldn't remember them having a fight since Pony was seven or so.

"Guess we were wrong, huh?" Pony said weakly.

I turned around to see him. He was real pale and tear were rolling down his cheeks. "What do you mean?" I asked not understanding what he meant.

"We thought he…he wasn't gonna be mad." he said, he was shaking badly.

I walked towards him and hugged him. He started sobbing, hiding his face in my chest. "Shh, Pone. It'll be alright." I whispered, trying to comfort him.

"He hates me." He mumbled his voice full of sadness. "He hates me…"

"No he doesn't. Soda's just mad, Pone. He's just mad…" Pony kept crying.

"He hates me." he repeated, shaking his head.

"Pone, Soda could never hate you." I said, helping him sit in the couch. "You're his favourite person in the world, baby. He wouldn't hate you." Pony nodded and tried to calm down. All I could do was hope I was right.

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><p><strong>I'll try to update soon! Don't forget to review.<strong>


	8. The beginning of the end

**Hello everyone! Thanks for the awesome reviews. (Btw daisy112: You just totally made my day!) Oh, and sorry for my horrible grammar haha…I'm working on it. Anyway, here's another chappy (a long one!) Enjoy it!**

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><p><strong>Sodas POV:<strong>

I never understood why Pony liked to run, until today. While running you didn't think, you just moved. It was like your body took control over your mind, you would just run and run, hearing your footsteps and your breath as it was the only thing in the world. I liked it. While running I didn't think about Ponyboy and what I had just told him, I didn't think about what I was going to do next or how badly had I hurt him. I would just run to nowhere in particular, let my feet led me.

Until it seemed like a few minutes only I couldn't keep running. My legs were begging me to stop and it was getting hard to breath. I stopped putting my hands in my knees and panting. I just stood like that for a few minutes then I jerked up and saw where I was. I must have run a lot because I didn't know where I was; neither did I know how to get back home. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. _Ok, Soda, don't freak out. Think!_ Think what? If I wanted to go back home? I wasn't sure. I knew what will be expecting me there and I didn't want to face it. But I HAD to go back. I couldn't stay out all night: I would only worry my brother. _Do you really think they are not worried now?_ _Gosh, you saw their faces, you scared the hell outta them._

"Shut up!" I said aloud. I ran my hands through my hair. _I'm going crazy._I thought. _Ok. First: STOP TALKING TO YOURSELF. Now, think…where are you?_ I sighed and looked around. Nothing seemed familiar to me. I decided to walk until I got somewhere I knew. Tulsa wasn't too big so at some point I had to come across something I knew, right? It was really dark, I had never been scared of being out at night but I guess being in war changed that too. I closed my eyes and I heard the gunshots, the screams, the kids crying; I could see people dying. So much blood, people I killed, people I helped to kill, people I saw being killed. They all had friends, family, they didn't deserve it. I shivered, opening my eyes. I realized I was grabbing my dog tags. I hadn't even realize I still had them, hanging around my neck. They were part of me. I didn't like them, but they were part of my body.

_(Flashback)_

_We were back from the battlefield to the camp, again. I hated to fight, seeing all this people dying, begging not to be killed. But this time it had been worse. _

_While I was walking back I saw a little boy crying, he couldn't had been more than 15. He was next to a boy, who was laying the ground, dead. I stopped and looked at them. The dead boy looked around twenty; maybe a little older but he surely wasn't more than twenty-five. Which meant he had to be friends with the younger boy, maybe his brother? I looked around; making sure the enemy wasn't there to attack me. No one was around, only me and some other soldiers from my squad. The survivors. I walked toward the two boys. The younger one looked at me, his eyes got big but he didn't move. He just stood there, looking at me, holding the other boys hand. I looked at the other one. He was obviously dead; his eyes were open, staring at nothing. I sighed. They looked alike. They HAD to be brothers. It made me want to cry. I could only think about Pony. His big green eyes wearing the same scared, lost look the boy had. I thought about Darry. What would he do if I died? He was counting on me to come back. They both were. I just shook my head and walked away, giving this boy some time with his brother. I knew he wasn't in danger; my squad would never kill a 15-year-old. Also he wasn't giving us any trouble. I went back to where everyone was and then I heard a gunshot. I turned to see the boy; he was dead next to his brother, still holding his hand. I felt like throwing up. I turned to the guy who had shot him._

_"Why was that for?" I demanded_

_"He's a witness. You'll thank me later. " 'No I won't, you freak!' was all I could think._

_Now we were back at camp. I wanted so desperately to get a shower. I felt so dirty. I felt as if the blood of everyone I had saw die was covering my body. I was so sick of this stupid war I grabbed my dog tags and threw them to the ground._

_"I wouldn't do that if I were you, buddy." a voice said from besides me. I turned around and I saw one of the members from my squad walking toward me. I looked at him, trying to remember his name. Who was this guy? Uh…Oh! Daniel something from Tennessee!_

_"Why not?" I said my anger showing in my voice._

_"Believe me. I feel like it too sometimes. But you just can't. You know what'll happen if you lose those ones." He said with a sad smile._

_"Uh…no." I answered, not knowing what he was talking about._

_"Really, Curtis?" I nodded. "Didn't you hear the boss talking about them the first they?" He asked. I shrugged. I hadn't been hearing to anything our major had been saying that day. I was thinking about my family and friends, my gang. Daniel shook his head. "Curtis those dog tags are for your body to be identified if you die. You dig?" I just looked at him. He sighed. Gosh, this guy was just like Darry. "Ugh, imagine you leave your dog tags there. Tomorrow there an explosion and you die but your face is unrecognizable, ok?" I nodded. "Alright. So the boss doesn't know who you are because some guys went MIA, ok? And he tells your family you went MIA too. So they don't know you're dead, they'd be waiting for you to be found someday, to come home. They'd always think you still alive, savvy?" I shiver at the thought of Darry and Pony going through that. _

_Darry would probably get over it, realize I won't come back. But Pony…Ponyboy wouldn't, he would keep waiting for me his whole life. I thought about the boy from before. He had seen his brother die, he knew his brother was dead and was able to cry his brothers' death before joining him. But if I didn't wear my tags and something bad happened to me, my brothers wouldn't have that chance. Tell would be waiting for me to come back their whole lifes. And that….that would slowly kill them._

_I kneeled and picked up my dog tags. I couldn't lose them. They had to become a part of me now._

_(End Flashback)_

I took another deep breath and started walking. I had to go back home. I needed to.

**Darrys POV:**

I opened my eyes slowly, blinking a few times, trying to see through the darkness. I yawned and moving a little, as I did that I hear a groan to my left. I turned around to see who had made that sound and found Pony sleeping with his head in my shoulder. He was deep asleep, snoring slightly. All I could do was smile seeing him that calm. Then I realized we were still sitting in the couch.

_That's weird._ I thought_. _I could swear I had taken him to his bed after he felt asleep. _I must have fallen asleep. _I looked around trying to find out what time it was before I remembered the clock in the living-room was broken. I wondered if Soda had come back home. I hoped he would be; I didn't like the idea of my little brother being out this late on his second day back from the war.

I sighed and looked at Pony. _Maybe I should take him to his room now_.

"Pone…" I called in a low voice, shaking him slowly. He mumbled something, but didn't wake up. "Pony…" I tried again. Nothing. "C'mon, Pone. I can't carry you, you know that." I told him. He still wouldn't wake up. I was still sleepy and Pony was exactly light. He had gained some pounds the lasts months.

I groaned. "Ponyboy…please?" He muttered something in his sleep that sounded like 'Go away'. I gave up. I stood up careful enough so that Pony wouldn't fall and carried him.

_Most definitely not light._ I thought_. Gosh, when did he become this big?_

I reached Ponyboys bedroom door and surprised when I found it closed. I hadn't thought about the door being closed. _Now what?_ _Ugh, I'll just have to open it._ I tried opening the door but I guess I made too much noise because Ponyboy stirred and opened his eyes. He gave me a confused look.

"Dar?" He asked sleepily.

"Hum?" I looked at him. I could swear he just looks more like Soda every day. _Soda…_ What am I gonna do with those two? Soda was mad at Pony for going to college, Pony was sad because Soda was mad at him. And I…I was…I didn't know how I was. I had no idea of how I was feeling. I mean I understood how Soda felt. When Pony had gotten his acceptance letter, at first I was happy; I mean my little brother was going to college! But then as I thought about I felt kinda jealous. I mean I was supposed to be the one that would go to college. But then I decided Pony deserved it as much as I did. That was when sadness took over me. I thought about Soda being in Vietnam and Pony going to college and I realized I didn't want to be alone. I wanted my brothers, I wanted my gang. I needed it. Every time I looked at Pony I thought: These are my last moments with my baby brother. In a couple months he would go to the other side of the world. It wasn't enough. I wanted more time. I needed more time. I knew why Soda had yelled at Pony like that. I understood him. But I also understood Pony. He needed to get out of here. He had to follow his dreams.

I was so lost in thought I hadn't realized Pony was asking me something? "So?" he asked.

"Huh?" Was all I could answer I hadn't heard anything he had say.

"Why you carrying me?" He yawned. He seemed really out of it, which I was thankful for. I didn't want him remembering his fight with Soda. Not right now. He needed the sleep, he had been working so hard the last months to get straight A's and the scholarship and all that.

"You wouldn't wake up." I answered, smiling at him.

"I'm awake now. " he said, giving me a look. I put him on his feet; he stumbled and grabbed my arm.

"You ok?" I asked, he seemed a little dizzy.

"Just tired." he yawned again and rubbed his eyes with his free hand, as he was still holding onto my arm for support.

I smiled at him and opened the door, leading him into his room. I helped him sit on his bed and he took his shoes off. Then he laid on his bed and closed his eyes.

"Night, Darry." he whispered.

I stopped him. "Oh no. No way, kiddo. You're up. Now you gotta change those clothes." I looked at him. Pony opened one eye and stared at me.

"Tomorrow?" he mumbled.

"Don't think so, Pone. C'mon, it'll be just a sec." I walked towards his closed and got a white t-shirt and some clean underwear. I turned around to give them to Pony but he was already asleep, snoring slightly.

I shook my head. _That kid…._

I walked towards him and sat next to him. I started stoking his hair. I hated to wake him up, he looked so tired. I sighed. I couldn't wake Pony up.

I laid down next to him "Gosh kid. What am I gonna do with you?" I whispered.

_What am I gonna do without you?_ I thought before falling deep asleep next to my baby brother.

**Sodas POV:**

After almost half an hour walking around trying to find my way home I finally got somewhere familiar. The old DX I used to work in. I sighed and stood there for a minute, remembering those old good times. I shook my head and started walking home. When I got there I noticed both the porch and the living-rooms lights were on. _Maybe they're waiting for me._ I thought. I remembered the time Ponyboy had ran away, how Darry and I had stayed up all night waiting for him to come back.

I opened the door slowly. No one was there. _Well, maybe they're out searching for me and decided to let the lights on in case I came back._ I suddenly felt guilty about worrying my brothers. But something inside me told me I wasn't right. Just to be sure I went to Darrys room. Empty. _They ARE looking for me!_ I didn't understand why I was so excited. I just thought that if Ponyboy and Darry were out looking for me that meant everything would be fine. Pony wouldn't go to England for 4 year, Darry would take my side. But then something stopped me. I saw Ponys room light was on too. _Weird._ I thought. I looked inside. My two brothers were deep asleep next to each other.

All the guilt I felt was replace by anger. Alright, I understood they weren't looking for me but not even waiting for me up? Not even Darry?

And then it hit me. Darry cares more about Ponyboy than me. Which means he'll do anything to make him happy, even let him go to England. And which also meant I was alone in this. There was no one that would help me keep my brother where he needed to be. Darry wouldn't let me make Ponyboy feel bad about leaving us. He would protect our little brother with his life. But I wouldn't give up. I'm Sodapop Curtis and I fight for what I want.

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><p><strong>So… Like it? Hate it? Both? Review and tell me!<strong>

**Oh btw, I'm doing a research about the soldiers that came back from the Vietnam War for an IB project. Inspired by, obviously, the wonderful book of Mrs. Hinton (**_**That was then, this is now **_**and what she said happened to Soda). So expect this story to become a little bit more realistic after I finish reading all the books I got. Oh and if anyone knows any good book about the topic please tell me as I'm not from the US and I need books for my bibliography, at least two O_o (In other words: I need to buy some books online). Anyway…I'd really appreciate it. Oh and thanks for reading!**


	9. Brothers Talk

**Hello everybody? How ya doing? So here I am now, updating again! Anyway, first I wanna answer some reviews:**

**teenkid100: Wow just wow…I definitely did not know about that. I mean I heard stories like that but read they were only rumors…guess they're not. Thanks for the info. Do you mind if I use it for the following chapters?**

**Guest: About the quotations marks…I know! Even I get confused but I just didn't want to change everything. I did thought. So it'll be a lot easier to understand everything now!**

**The other Guest: Haha...Thanks!**

**Now, on with the story!**

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><p><strong>Darry's POV:<strong>

When I woke up the first thing I realized was that I wasn't in my bedroom. I looked around and found myself in Pony's bed, laying next to him. I yawned and sat down carefully, trying not to wake him up. I closed my eyes for a second and remembered everything that had happened the night before. Gosh, did it all really happen? It felt so unreal. Soda fighting with Pony. It just didn't sound right. It wasn't right. I opened my eyes and stared at my baby brothers sleeping. He was sleeping soundly, dead to the world. It remembered me about the first week after Soda leaved for the war.

_(Flashback)_

_Soda had leaved today. I still couldn't believe it. It didn't feel right to have my younger brother go to the war but it was happening. Before leaving Soda had asked me to make sure Pony would be alright and all. (Like I wasn't going to!) That had me thinking all day. Would Pony go through the same stage he did after Johnny and Dallas died? I prayed that wouldn't happen._

_That thought had kept me awake until now. It was barely 2 am but I had to work early in the morning and really needed to go to sleep soon. I just couldn't. I closed my eyes and told myself to sleep. After I few minutes, sleep was finally coming to me. That was when I heard someone knock at my door. I sat down and rubbed the sleep of my eyes. So close…_

"_Darry…" Pony's voice came really low as if he was debating whether to do this or not._

"_Come in." I answered. Pony opened the door and stood outside the room._

"_What's wrong, Pone?" 'Where's the fire?' I thought to myself as Pony had never come into my room so late at night._

"_Uh… Do you think I could…?" He stopped himself and looked down "Can I sleep here?" He asked, sounding like a 5-year-old instead of 15. _

_I cooked an eyebrow. "Sure. C'mere." I told him moving a little to make some space for him. Pony entered the room, closing the door after him. He walked towards the bed and laid down next to me._

"_Thanks" he mumbled slowly. _

"_Nightmare?" I asked, wanting to know what was wrong still. Pony just shook his head. He was quiet for a few minutes and then he looked up at me. _

"_Do you think he's gonna be ok?" he asked. 'So that's what was bothering him: Soda' I kicked myself for not realizing before. He had been awful quiet after he left. More than ever, and that meant a lot._

"_Of course he will, kiddo. Soda's a good fighter." I smiled._

"_I don't want to lose anyone else." Pony sniffed but then he calmed down. _

"_We won't. I promise." Pone nodded and cuddled into me, falling asleep._

_For the next two weeks Pony slept in my room. After that he confessed he just couldn't keep sleeping in the room he shared with Soda. So I decided to give him my room and sleep in mom and dads._

_It wasn't easy, but I was going to make everything work out._

_(End flashback)_

I stroked Pony's hair and got out of bed. Grabbing my clothes I left toward the bathroom to get ready for work. Life had to go on and I had a brother to talk to.

**Soda's POV:**

I woke up early in the morning, again. I got out of bed slowly and walked towards the kitchen for something to drink. Boy was I dying for a glass of water. I didn't really remembered falling asleep last night, just laying in my bed thinking about what I was going to do to keep my brother in Tulsa, or at least in the US. Anyway I walked into the kitchen and found Darry sitting at the table, drinking a cup of coffee while reading the newspaper. I opened the fridge and got some chocolate cake. _Guess somethings will never change._ I thought, smiling against my will.

I sat down next to Darry and looked at my cake. I could feel my big brother staring at me.

-Soda…- he started. I looked up. I knew this was coming. - We need to talk…about yesterday.-

"We don't need to talk about nothing, Dar." I answered harder than I meant to. "I know what I said and I still think I'm right."

"Soda… You ain't seeing the big picture." Darry started, I stood up and grabbed my cake ready to leave. But Darry followed my moves and grabbed my arm. "Listen to me, little buddy. Please." I just sighed and turned around, facing Darry.

"What?" I asked coldly.

"Can we please sit down and talk about this." Darry asked, putting a hand in my shoulder. I nodded and sat on the couch.

"So?" I started, itching to finish this quickly.

"Little buddy, I understand how you feel. I really do."

_No you don't! _I thought. I wanted to scream so badly. Darry thought he knew how I felt? Of course he didn't. He has never been as close to Pony as I am. He doesn't understand how it feels being away from your family for a whole year, fighting hard to come back because you know they are waiting for you, you know they need you, you need them. And then, after all the hard work you do to come back to them, find out one of them is leaving for years. Knowing that a lot of thing can happen out there, that he may never come back and they just expect you to sit quiet and still watching your baby brother, the one person you love most in the world, go away. I took a deep breath and tried to control myself. I had already got to say what I thought yesterday, maybe I hadn't say it in the right way but it didn't matter, not now. Now it was Darrys turn.

I looked at him, wanting my older brother to yell at me to tell me I wasn't using my head and all that stuff he always said when he got mad. I wanted him to give me a reason to yell back, to make him understand I wasn't gonna change my mind. I've made my decision. It was all up to Pony know. And if he, for once, decided not to listen to me and went to England, I wouldn't feel guilty if anything happened. I wouldn't because he would no longer be my brother.

**Darry's PoV:**

Alright, so far my talk with Soda was going ok. Well, it hadn't even started but it seemed like he was going to let me talk at least. One step at the time. I really understood how Soda felt. I mean I had gone through some moments when I didn't want Pony to go to England too.

The moment Pony got his letter I was so proud of my little brother. But later I got a little jealous. Why could he go to college when I couldn't? I knew he was smarter than me but still I could've gone to college. I would have made it and have a good job. It took me some time to remember why I had given up college: My brothers. Pony and Soda meant the world to me, they still do. I couldn't let them go to a Boys Home.

After the jealousy was gone I started feeling a little scared for Pony. What is something bad happened to him? What if he got hurt or sick? No one would be there to take care of him and he needed his family close. Even at 16, he was still a kid. He was still the baby. I was afraid. Scratch that. I AM afraid. And I will be afraid. But my fear can't make my little brother stay in Tulsa.

It wouldn't be fair. He's worked so hard on this and it just wouldn't be fair for him to stay here just because me or Soda want it.

"Little buddy, I understand how you feel, I really do…" I could tell in that moment Soda didn't believe me but he didn't say anything so I continued.

"Sodapop, I know you don't want Pony to go. I mean I didn't want him to go either at first but it really is for the best." I looked at him and sat down next to him. "I don't know if you thought the same but when mom and dad died and I realized I wouldn't get to go to college…I promised myself and God that I would do everything I could to keep you two safe and get you a good life if I was given your custody."

Soda looked at me. "What is that supposed to mean Darry?"

"I…"

"Darry are you telling me you seriously think the only way Pony can have a good life is by being away from us?" Soda stated, sending me an angry stare.

"No. What I'm saying is that…" I sighed stopping for a minute, thinking in the appropriate way of saying what I thought. "…that I won't let you interfere with Pony's studies. He worked really hard to achieve what he did, Soda! Do you really want to be the one to ruin everything he has worked for? Do you want to be the one to ruin his future?"

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><p><strong>So how was it? I kinda feel Darry's being OOC. I mean Soda's supposed to be OOC but not Darry :S... Again I'm so sorry it took me so long to update. I'll try to post the next chapter sooner. This month if I can. I own you guys 3 chapters and I plan to post them all before November ends.<strong>

**By the way! Don't forget to review! :) Love and cookies to everyone!**


	10. You can't always win

**A/N: Hey everyone! Well I think I ought to tell you I'm going on an academic exchange program to Germany during January and February so I won't be able to update as much as I want to. You see in my country January and February is summer so I was hoping to write a lot I will still try to update once or twice a month though. **

**I'm truly sorry for not updating before. School's been a mess these past months and I'm sure it'll be a thousand times worse next year as I'll be entering my senior year.**

**I noticed the story is going very slow. Well this goes on for a few more chapters and then it all starts to happen faster. I have planned to do less than 20 chapters so now I am (hopefully) in the middle of the story. **

**Enough with my babbling…. On with the story!**

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><p><strong>Soda's PoV:<strong>

He wasn't gonna let me interfere with Pony's studies? Alright! But I wasn't gonna let Pony's studies mess with my family. This was war all over again. Fight for your family, fight for yourself, fight by yourself. For now on I was in war with my brothers. They were the enemy. _What are you thinking? Just say you're sorry, Soda._ SHUT UP! Gosh, when did this voice in my head start? Annoying voice! _You're losing time. _I don't care. I can't let Pony go. Not now. Not ever.

"I don't get you, Darry. Can't you see it? Our family is going to turn apart!" I begged.

"Soda…" He shook his head. "Please, don't do this. Ok? Just…Gosh, Soda try to understand. Is all for Pony's sake! For his future… " No. No. NO!

"FINE! BE ON HIS SIDE." I shouted. Why couldn't Darry listen? Fine! I didn't care. It was war. I turned around, unable to keep looking at Darry. I went outside the house and slammed the door.

Once out I looked around. _Great! What now? _ Oh, shut up! I thought and started walking to nowhere in particular. Just walking, tying to get away from everything.

**Pony's PoV:**

I woke up to the sound of my brothers talking. Well, more like arguing. Scratch that: DEFINITELY arguing. I sighed and closed my eyes.

"FINE! BE ON HIS SIDE." Soda yelled. 'On his side…' _Great, they were arguing about ME!_ Really… sometimes I feel like I'm a burden to my brothers. Darry says I'm not but I just can't believe him. Maybe Soda was right. Maybe I'm being selfish by going to England. I mean, sure the scholarship covers the air ticket (only one to go), the school, the dormitory and the meals Monday to Saturday; I (well, Darry) will only have to pay some books and my meals on Sundays. Money wasn't an issue. I could get a part-time job once I settle there and earn some money so Darry doesn't have to pay everything. I knew it wasn't fair that Darry paid everything for me and I was willing to help. I had a summer job while Soda was in Vietnam, teaching little kids. Maybe I could repeat that in England or I could work in a Bookstore or a Cafe. I wasn't being selfish right?

But if I truly wasn't only thinking about myself, why was I feeling this bad. You know the feeling you get when you are doing something wrong? Like you're a bad person and deserve to be punished. _I am such a crappy brother. _

I sat in the bed and rubbed my eyes. I felt like bawling. What should I do? Go to England, make Darry proud and let Soda hate me? Or stay here, make Soda happy but disappoint Darry? _What do YOU want? _That doesn't matter. If my brothers aren't happy then I have no reason to be happy either. I hid my face in my hands and tried to block everything. _Don't think, don't think, don't think._

"Hey." I looked up to find Darry standing in the doorway with a piece of chocolate cake in a plate and a spoon. He smiled at me.

"Hey…" I answered softly.

"How long have you been awake?" _Truth or Lie? Which one do you want me to say?_ "Kiddo…You there?"

"Yeah…" Darry closed his eyes and then opened them as if trying to forget something or maybe remember it.

"How long have you been wake, Pone?" Darry asked slowly, approaching the bed and leaving the plate in the nightstand.

"Enough…" I said weakly as I could feel the tears threatening to fall.

"Don't worry about it, ok? Soda's just a little angry. He'll get over it." Darry said, stroking my hair.

I shook my head. I knew Soda; he was good-hearted but stubborn, even more than me. He wasn't going to get over it. He wasn't just a little angry. Gosh, I had never seen Soda that angry before. What did they do to my brother? Who is this person who calls himself Sodapop Curtis? Soda wouldn't have said those horrible things. Soda wouldn't hate me. He wouldn't, or would he?

"He hates me…" I heard myself saying, my voice barely a whisper.

"Nonsense. Soda could never hate you, Pony. We already talked about this, Pone." I shook my head. Darry didn't understand. Soda hated me for leaving like I hated the Government for making he leave us. It was the kind of hate that comes from resentment. The kind of hate Dally felt for the world. _Don't think about them! You don't need that now. _I agreed with that thought. It still hurt to think about Johnny and Dally like it hurt to remember mom and dad, like it used to hurt to talk about Soda. I sighed.

Darry looked at me like expecting an answer. "He does…" I told him.

"Stubborn…" Darry muttered.

I smiled at him "It seems to run in the family." Darry punched me playfully in the arm.

"I swear you spend too much time with Two-Bit." I stuck my tongue out and Darry grinned. Then he looked at the clock and his expression changed as he started to get up. "I'm late." He said messing with my hair. "Here…" he grabbed the plate with the chocolate cake and the spoon. " I made a small cake yesterday and I think is better you have it before Two-Bit or Steve eat it."

"Thanks." Darry walked out of the door.

"Don't forget to cook dinner!" he yelled while he was on the living room.

"Sure…" I replied not as loudly as he had but still loud enough for it to be heard.

**Soda's PoV:**

How weird is it to see a 19-year-old ex-veteran walking alone at 7 am in the morning through the Tulsa streets because he's not capable of facing his 16-year-old little brother? Let me answer that: A LOT. I had no idea where to go or what to do. I just wanted to fix this mess but at the same time I wanted to make sure Pony was going to stay here. _You can't always win._ Oh, really? Well, it turns out I NEVER win. I lost both my parents, two of my best friends and a lot of friends from war…Oh, and I also had to fight for my life and kill against my will. I think it's time for me to win, or not?

I looked up, trying to focus on another thing. That's when I saw them… Flower people. Oh boy, just what I needed. In my unit there was one of them. He was just such a pain in the ass. Always telling us how we were doing a horrible thing when following orders to kill, how those people didn't deserve to die, didn't we know they had a family?… Well not even half of us actually WANTED to be there but did he care? No sir. To him we were all bad only for trying to stay alive. I hated him. It wasn't just enough torture to have in my conscious all those faces? I think no one in the unit understood what was that guy doing there. If he hated war so much why didn't he just run away when he was drafted? Was he even drafted? Thinking about that guy got me thinking about my other mates, the ones who came back before or with me, the ones that were still there, the one who will never come back… So much people back there who never got to say goodbye to their families not only the American soldiers… the Vietnamese too. We all wanted to live, we all killed to survive. And still we are all murderers…

I shook my head trying to get rid of those thought. I had been so deep in thought I haven't realized I was standing in the middle of the street with those flower people looking at me. There were 4 of them. I groaned, not in the mood for a 'You're a murderer' talk. With the head down I walked towards them, hoping to be able to walk unnoticed past them.

Of course… I never win.

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><p><strong>What do you think will happen? :) As I said at the beginning I'll try to update soon. Hopefully on Saturday or Sunday as a Christmas present to all of you. I hope you liked this chapter. Thanks to everybody who reviewed this story or follows it or has it on his favorites.<strong>

**Don't forget to leave a review!**

**P.S. I know this chapter was short. Originally it was longer but I divided it in two chapters as it was way too long :S.**


	11. Right or Wrong?

**It's been a long time… I know and I'm truly sorry to keep you guys waiting. It's been some crazy months but now I'm back. I guess I just let the months pass and when I finally wanted to type the chapters, something felt weird. I couldn't remember what I had planned for the story and the pieces I had written in a notebook didn't make sense. But I've solved it now.**

**Well, after this it all starts going on faster and time starts passing by. You can consider this as the last chapter from part one (?)**

**Please guys review and tell me what you think! Forgive me if this writing style is a little different from before but it's been 9 months and I think I have changed a bit and so my writing style has too. I hope you like it though.**

**On with the show**

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><p><strong>Pony's PoV:<strong>

I lay in bed for a long time after Darry left. I felt… Sad? Angry? Confused? All of them above?

Soda was acting weird. He was never like this before. But I could understand him. I actually did. I knew Soda just wanted the best for me. And I knew maybe he thought me staying in Tulsa or in the US was for the best. I had thought that too. It had haunted me for weeks: Leaving Darry and Soda, leaving Steve and Two-Bit; being away from everything I had ever known for four years. The scholarship offered to pay for the ticket to go but no to come back. And even if I got the money I wouldn't be able to come back every summer vacation. I had thought about declining the offer. After all I had been offered other scholarships that were nearer home. But Darry ended up convincing me. If I wanted to study English and mayor in literature, which was a better place to do it than England, the place where English came from?

I hadn't wanted to tell Soda on a letter. Maybe I should have. But seeing how he reacted I don't know if he would have come home if I told him. Soda hated me because he thought I was abandoning him. I considered this could happen. But I thought Sodapop, MY Soda, wouldn't be mad, he would be proud.

Turn out Soda is not the same person I remembered. I know my brother is deep down there. But right now, he hated me. And all I wanted was for my brother to talk to me.

I was sad because of Soda not talking to me and being angry at me. Still I was angry because he should have been happy for me. And I was confused about what to do next. Which was the right answer: Leave and receive the education Darry wants for me and make Darry proud and be happy learning what I love…. Or stay and learn what I want in another place, fail Darry but making Soda happy? I have to admit I wanted to go to England but I am willing to give that to have my brother back, was I? I mean, I could trade my happiness for Soda's happiness. Couldn't I?

**Soda's PoV:**

_Ok Soda… Keep your head down and just walk right through them. Fast and without making eye contact. NOW._ I took a deep breath and started walking right to where they were.

I could feel them staring at me… At my shaved head, the dog tags on my neck, the haunted look on my eyes. My whole body seemed to scream "Hey! Look at me I was in 'Nam. I was a soldier and I'm back. Come bother me, please."

I was kind of getting used to it. Bringing trouble, having trouble, giving trouble. I was trouble. I was…

"Murder!" The word made me flinch. I knew they were going to use it. I knew that's what their people thought about people like me. They thought we killed because we wanted to. They thought we were evil, mean, killers… But, were we really? No, sir. At least I was not.

Still, I also knew they just wanted to mess with my head. Make me feel guilty. But I was not going to let them. So I just kept walking toward wherever my feet would take me.

"Hey! You! Little Murder! How does it feel to have that much blood in your hand uh?" One of the guys was walking towards me. See, this is want I don't get about this people. They are told to be pacifists, fight for a fair world, without war. And most of them did fight for peace. Most of them only wanted for the war to end and were truly inoffensive. Some of them did nothing other than consume drugs and hang out around telling everybody fighting was bad. But some of them… Some were dangerous. Some wanted to give their opinion even if they had to turn into violence. Not killing or physical violence… but still, hurting people. This guy seemed to be one of them.

Nevertheless I tried my best to ignore him.

"How many boys your age have you killed, man? Maybe even younger, uh? They could've been your brothers, dude. Or friends…. You're a murder." _They could've been your brothers… _I stopped and closed my eyes. I had thought that all the time while in war. Everyone I killed could have been Darry or Pony. I knew it. But hearing it coming from someone else just made it all more real.

I remembered my fight with Pony. I remembered the look in his eyes, the deception in Darry's face. And suddenly I felt as if I had killed them. The idea of me doing something awful to my brothers was as horrible as the idea of me killing them but I didn't want to admit it. I didn't need to admit it. I was doing it all for the right reason, right? I mean, it is all for Pony's sake! He doesn't know what it is like to be away from your family, country and friends. And he doesn't need to know. Not now. He's not ready to go. And I'm not ready to let him go out and find out.

"C'mon, man. What's wrong? Don't like facing what you did?" The words hit me like a thousand of bricks. Now it was personal.

I turned around and punched the guy right in the nose regretting it instantly. I stared at the blood in my hand and the bleeding nose from the guy. I wanted to say I was sorry, to apologize, to explain it all. I wanted a chance to tell him I was not the kind of guy who would normally go punching other guys around because they were provoking him. I was not ever that kind of guys. I have never started a fight. I never gave the first punch. I wanted to tell him all that. But I couldn't.

"You…. You FREAK!" the guy yelled. I looked at him. He was probably around Pony's age. He was scared. He just wanted to state his opinion. Maybe he had a reason for being mad at me. Maybe one of his brother's had been killed in action. Maybe he was just scared. Maybe he could've been Ponyboy. And now he was running away from me. As if I was some kind of monster.

_Why won't you listen to me, Sodapop?! You always used to. _Pony's voice echoed my mind. I always used to. I used to do a lot of things. I used to be a lot of thing. But I am not the same person anymore. I wasn't the old Sodapop Curtis. I had seen too much, lived too much. And there was no turning back.

I pulled my dog-tags and saved them in my pocket. I was at home now. I was safe from war. But war wasn't over. At least not for me… I still had to fight, if not for my country, for my family.

I wondered for a while if I was doing the right thing… Pushing Pony away so that he wouldn't go to England… Something just didn't felt right. But, at the same time, nothing I did felt right anymore. And maybe… just maybe… my plan could work.

I needed him to stay. I wanted him to stay. And I was going to make him stay even if I broke me and him in the process. I was going to keep Pony safe and sound next to me.

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><p><strong>Alright guys… This was kind of short. But the next part is coming soon. Please review and told me what you thought about this.<strong>


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